I’ve caught myself still saying, “at Fox we…” or “in school, I…”, as if I’m still in college and will be returning to classes in September like I have for the last 16 years of my life. Any other graduates feeling the same way?
For years I’ve craved the freedom away from schoolwork, endless extracurriculars, the ability to simply up and leave if I so desire (which happens on an almost hourly basis) to some far away, wonderful place. The free time to read. The free time to write.
And of course, if anyone has noticed, I’ve hardly blogged for the past couple weeks. With the exceptions of my Friday Faves posts and my Wonderful Web posts (which are all fun and fine and dandy), I haven’t written much on the blog. A different reaction than when I got back from Bangladesh and couldn’t contain what was going on in my head. Or when I didn’t make it to San Fransisco and had to process. Or when I DID make it to San Fran and could spend a week writing about how incredible my newspaper staff was.
But now that I have time, now that I’m free, per say, of schoolwork and commitments (aside from work), I’m having a hard time writing.
Is it OK for a writer to admit that she is having issues being inspired?
I didn’t think so.
I have a whole list in my Google Docs of posts to be published. There’s plenty of ideas for fun, filler posts on topics like books I’m reading, music I’m loving, recipes I’m trying, wine I’m drinking, and a whole variety of other things. But it’s hard to add in spontaneous life posts in a list. And we all know how much I enjoy lists (if my Wonderful Web posts and my post-grad to do list aren’t an indicator), which makes adding things that I can’t predict, like ill-fated San Fran road-trips, journalism conferences, or life-changing trips abroad, at the very least, tricky.
And I guess graduation was one of those things I thought would be something I wouldn’t predict. That something would magically come forth as it has in the past and I would revel in the great comments people would leave and feel accomplished for writing something on the blog that equated to more than what recipe I wanted to make that week but probably never would get around to actually making or the New York Times article that made me laugh or think.
But nothing is magically coming forth…unless you count this sporadic, all-over-the-place post.
When I was in college, I had distractions. I was busy, occupied, and involved. And I loved it. I thrived on it. And, simultaneously, I craved a rest or a reprieve, even as I was acting on my strengths, my passions and the things I wanted to improve in myself or my writing or other skills. And now that I have that rest and reprieve I find myself getting a little bored. Even though I’ve only been out of school for two weeks (is that real?!?!), I’m craving the laughs with my RA staff and hearing life stories of the people I work with, or the thrill of publishing a new issue of the Crescent and making it look and read even better than the last. I miss my housemates, my bible study…hell, part of me even misses homework!
OK…maybe that last bit is an exaggeration. Slightly.
I also know that after this month, things will get busy again. I’ll wish I had this month, of quiet nights, simple events, and figuring out a routine, to revel in again. Because friends will return from trips abroad, I will start planning my trip to Spain, I’ll get a new roommate, I’ll find more things to write about and maybe I’ll figure out this really odd, strange thing called post-grad life.
Because, seriously guys, don’t I have chemistry homework due tomorrow?